My daily schedule:
6:30 - alarm rings,
6:50 or so - finally get up
7:25 - leave for the bus stop
7:50 - get to school
8:00-9:00 - study while I eat breakfast
9:00-11:00 - Integrative Case Studies course, aka torturous "prison" where they make us go over cases and lead us down this really awful path of medical decision-making. Good in theory, hellish in practice.
11:00-1:00 - scavenge a bagel from one of the groups who got bagels from their faculty, eat the bagel while I study.
1:00-5:00 - Clinical Procedures course -or- review session -or- study
5:00 - ? - study
? - go home
?-12:00 - study. Throw dinner in there somewhere, usually cooked by Eric, with accompanying guilt that I contributed nothing to the meal or the clean-up of it, which leads to the accompanying guilt of being a terrible person who is too self-absorbed to be a normal functional member of society.
12:00 - Feel really terrible about how little I've studied, and how little of what I studied I actually remember. Feel even worse about the fact that after a shower and light chores, it will be 12:40 and I will get less than 6 hours of sleep again as I have for the previous two weeks.
12:50-1:00 - Have a hard time falling asleep because I can't stop thinking about how poorly I'm going to do on this exam because of my sheer inability to retain information.
6:30 - alarm goes off again.
etc.
It's begun--Boards review. In all honesty, this is the most intense experience I've ever gone through. This is just... a completely new animal altogether. And the worst part is: I feel awful about myself. I know a lot of people who feel sorry for themselves, which--yeah, there's some of that, too--but for me it's more of a feeling that I just am NOT smart enough to do this. It's just TOO. MUCH. INFORMATION. Random rote memorization, drug side effects and biochemical pathways and the diseases caused by enzyme deficiencies. I will never actually be able to remember this stuff.
Anyway, I'm sorry for the really depressing post, but I hadn't posted in awhile and was feeling like posting, and I can't think of anything extraordinarily upbeat to say. I'll just be genuine and say what I feel.
3 comments:
you pretty much said perfectly how I feel everyday, too. I've been putting off biochem and micro, though, so I haven't even gotten to the worst memorization, haha. hang in there because it's going to be a great week when this is finally over! =)
J-cuz,
you are never not smart enough and I love you.
2 words jess- Dirty Dancing! Just pop that sucker into your laptop sometime between 5p and 12p, and 10 minutes & 30 sec's later you'll realize you can conquer the boards cuz they don't owwwwwwwn youuuu...
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