East of Eden

I used to read East of Eden every summer; it was my favorite novel for like 10 years. I don't know if it still is.

You see, I used to be a lot of things.

I used to be smart*. No, really. Like, quick as a whip - like, I could do math in my head so fast that my AP calculus teacher once called me a freak, and I could read a complex novel and write a really well-synthesized analysis in a few days, for fun. My vocabulary was excellent. I could memorize things after hearing them once. I often made analogies to literary references, and was able to explain these references in a way that was concise and elucidating. I could sing whole songs after hearing them a couple times, as well as play a moderately nuanced version on the piano - with left-hand accompaniment and harmonies. I taught myself how to play the guitar in about a week, back when my left hand still had full function. I read prolifically. All this while participating in competitive sports and being an active member of the community.

I can't do any of those things anymore. My vocabulary sucks; when I hear an "SAT word", I often say: "I used to know what that meant". I was gonna write about how I used to know all the capitol cities of the 50 states, but I didn't, because I don't know if that version of "capitol" is spelled "capitol" or "capital". I have no clue**. I have a hard time remembering things now, and I don't even bother singing along to music unless I look up the lyrics on the internets. When I have to do mental math, I usually ask Eric to do it for me. After all, he was the 7th grade math teacher. Even when I putz around at the guitar, I don't remember the chords - and that's not something I can blame on my busted left hand.

I haven't read East of Eden since the summer after I graduated from college. I rarely read novels anymore. Medical school has changed me, in lots of ways, but the most surprising has been: it's made me a lot dumber. Even though I've gained all this knowledge about the medicine, not only do I often feel like a useless almost-doctor "tween"-ager, I often feel like I've lost my ability to think, to remember, and to synthesize. I've turned into an uncultured robot.

This makes me sad.


So I pulled East of Eden off my bookshelf today. I'm going to read it again. And I'm going to try to read a good number of novels by the end of this calendar year. I'm going to try to get some of my old self back. Maybe I'll even start posting book reviews on my blog, like I used to on my old blog - the one written by cultured, smart me.

We'll see.

*I don't mean to be / I hope I don't come off as being obnoxious or cocky. Really, it's pathetic how un-smart I am, which is the point I'm trying to make.
**I looked it up and I think it's capitol with an "O" but still not sure. See? Dumber. Can't even make sense of the dictionary.