Today I finished my 4th and final Wednesday seeing patients in a local nursing home. Of all the depressing things I've experienced in med school, working in a nursing home is very, very, very high on the list. The staff is overworked and therefore bitter and rushed--making for situations where corners are cut and important things get overlooked. The lack of resources (nursing homes are, of course, for profit and therefore no money goes to the actual care of residents) makes for a pretty bad situation overall. And we're not talking about a toilet factory here. We're talking a business that is supposed to run around the care of people who are not able to care for themselves. So when the doctor and I go there each week, we are literally flooded with pages, questions, requests, complaints, etc. etc. Nurse after nurse walks up to us and has something new to say, ask, demand. And boy, it's stressful to be in a such an unorganized and haphazard working environment.
And then there are the patients. Each has a story--riveting, interesting, horrifying, sad. I can push through the craziness of rounds out of empathy for the patients. They need our ears, they need our minds to think through their needs. They need me to advocate for their well-being. And this tips the balance so that the good and bad are at, or close to level. Usually. But today I was hot and feeling ill, and I had a million things to do, and two of my patients drove me to my wit's end. It's easy to empathize with a nice person who is sick. But when you take your run-of-the-mill asshole and turn him into an asshole with and illness and self-pity to spare, boy. You really have to dig deep for the patience, and empathy.
I'm not even close to done with my training, and I have to dig deeper and deeper with each frustrating patient encounter. It scares me; I don't want do find one day that I just can't find the patience or desire to help. Will I ever snap back? Will I ever allow my annoyance to blind me from making good medical judgments?
Maybe I do belong in surgery... (forgive this snark. I do want to care.)
1 comment:
...and clearly not one of those jobs where you can just stick your ipod in your ears and tune out the complaints (is there such a job??).
Is it an option to tell the asshole the truth- that he's being an asshole and should buck up? Or would that be cruel? "Water for Elephants" has an interesting take on an old guy living in a nursing home.
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